Luke A.D.

LUKE AFTER DRUGS



So, this is the post where I talk a about my life as a recovering drug addict. I haven't used for a little over 2 months, and I'm hoping that the last time I used is the last time I'll ever use. But unfortunately, statistics say the chances of me relapsing are high, and when I have days like today I can see why.
Today has been a "I really really want to hurt myself" kind of day. And what's bugging me out is that it doesn't feel like a "cry for help" hurt myself kind of situation, but a "I'm terribly uncomfortable in my own skin, I want to peel it off with a knife" kind of day. I'm saying this because I hope that typing it out will help me feel better. So far, I'm happy to say its been very therapeutic.
Drugs... do I still think about them? Yes... Everyday. Do I miss them? Yes, I miss them terribly. Do I regret doing what I've done? No. I think my experiences with drugs have given me an insight to the human condition that I could never have achieved without them. It's this insight that I illustrate through my paintings.
The thing is, the price I've paid is immeasurable, and I'll never be safe from the threat of it devouring me in the future. People have noticed that the price of my paintings have steadily gone up, but my sister has been quick to point out that the price I pay with my health still doesn't equate to what my paintings are selling for.
Can I still produce without the drugs? YES. Definitely. My best ideas were conceived when I was sober, and all the paintings featured in my last show, "Paintings of Hope and Hopelessness", were produced while I was sober too. It was my fastest selling show to date, and everyone I've spoken to would agree that it's also one of my best shows.
If I still think about it, miss it, and have no regrets concerning it why did I quit? To be honest, it started when I spent half a week in the hospital because parts of my body were rotting out and I was on the verge of going septic. Have you seen "Requiem for a Dream"? Kinda like that. But it's also because I realized how pathetic I was when I was using. I also quit because my work was suffering as a result of my drug use. But I kind of feel that I have a responsibility to not only my friends and family, but also to my fans and collectors to try and live up to my potential.
My sister used to be enraged by the sight of me pissing my achievements away. Each dollar she made was paid in full with blood sweat and tears, while my success seemed to come easily and effortlessly. The thing is, I was never really living up to my potential. I was simply belting out as much work as I needed to support my $140 a day drug habit.
Since I sobered up, my personal drive and ambition have come back and I'm excited to see what the future provides. I guess I'm typing all this out because I really need all the help I can get, and the only way I can get that help is if people know that there's a problem.
Anyways, that's all I currently want to say about it. If any extended family are reading this, please keep what you've read here to yourself. I'm sure there will be more updates concerning Luke A.D. in the future.